Time travel plans, and psychological issues?


Do you ever feel you’re going mad? I’m finding it very hard to resist the temptation to start singing a queen song after saying that…

Anyway, I accidently reminded myself of something that happened a few years back when I was still at King Ed, and since then have been planning my response if I were somehow transported back to that moment in time. I don’t mean the common “if I could re-live my life from that point”, but a rather more odd my current self is moved back in time to that event, to meet a probably rather confused past version of myself. Not entirely sure how I’d expect that to work though… Would future me begin to remember all my past interactions with past me? Would my memories of the last few years suddenly change, change when the events happened again only perhaps differently because there’s more than one of me, would I even still be linked to past me? When we reached the third of April 2013 would he disappear but have memories of everything…

Yeah, my minds been thinking about and trying to answer those questions, and many more for the last two or three hours; it’s quite distracting, wish it’d stop. Is a total inability to impact your own thoughts a bad thing? I’m not sure… but my Xbox isn’t connecting to the internet, so I guess this’ll have to do instead of Netflix.

Seeing as this is meant to be a personal blog about the happenings of my life, I now feel compelled to update people on that. I last posted on the sixth of February, since then I’ve been alive and little of interest has happened to or around me. If anything had happened, that’d have given me something to post about.

That was pretty pathetic. By that I mean a pathetic update, not that my life is pathetic. Although that’s true too… And it appears I’m back onto self-deprecation, which is understandable, it’s fun and easy.

Back to fantasies of time travel, it’s a rather awkward situation I’d be put in. I couldn’t take the traditional “live my life, but do it better” route, because there’d be two of me. Well, I guess I could attempt to motivate past me to do better, but then he doesn’t really listen to anyone, not even me. So that’d be pointless… Physically I’m not sure if we’d be similar enough that I could, for example drug him, keep him tied up in the wardrobe and go to school for him, doing things “properly” this time. Although knowing myself he’d probably be more than willing to let me go to school for him.

But then there are the logistical problems, for example where do I live? At the time there wasn’t a spare bed in this house, and I know how annoying one of me is, let alone two so I doubt mother would want me floating around the house. Then of course, if people found out I’d hopped backwards in time would I have scientists trying to prod me with things, or (the paranoid part of my brain says) the government trying to turn me into some kind of weapon, to see if they can send me back in time to assassinate people. Or someone locking me up to prevent the common crowd from discovering time hopping people.

Yeah, I may be overthinking this.

The moral issues are easier to deal with. Yes, coming back in time I could remember things like terrorist attacks, mass shootings, plane crashes etc. and attempt to prevent them, and if people found out about a time hopper (I like the term “hop”, okay?)  I’d probably be heavily criticised for each one I “let” happen. But that’s easily resolved, look at my mind; it doesn’t care about other people. You may be able to tell from the fact that every other word is either “I”, “me”, “my” or something else referring to me in some way. And of course, it also doesn’t remember things like that; I have no idea when whoever it was shot up some school in American, or when those American consulates were attacked. I’m putting in semi-colons wherever Microsoft word suggests them, seems to be more of them than I’d expect, maybe my writing styles just a bit weird. Although it is making me regret not memorising the lottery numbers, I wonder if they’d let me have the money if I’d already seen the draw…

I could go on, for a long time, rambling about the unimportant is one of my few talents… but I won’t. I’ve missed this, writing things; just wish I actually had something to write about… What’s that green thing?

Sorry, got distracted there.

But honestly, I really enjoy writing this nothing, there’s something oddly satisfying about it. I like writing by hand too, but my handwriting is so appalling that I’ll write a sentence then look at it and think “what does that say?” formless squiggles, it’s amusing. So I type, it’s fun but I rarely have anything interesting to write about.

I mean, I could be writing up reports for college or something, but that’s not the same. Structured writing, with correct referencing, bleh, boring. Well, still kind of fun, but like that organised well-structured fun that no one really enjoys.

I tried to take up writing fiction a few times, but while as this post may have shown I have a pretty vivid imagination, I can think up stories, I often do in my spare time… but I’m really bad at putting them together in a way I deem they deserve. I’ve read a lot of stuff online that’s worse than what I’ve written (and subsequently thoroughly purged from existence) but then I’m a perfectionist when it doesn’t suit me. And of course I tend to grow as attached to fictional characters, and imaginary people than real ones if not more so, so I kind of don’t like putting them in any kind of conflict and that breaks most story telling techniques… Yeah, that’s a little weird… But for example I prefer Garrus Vakarian to most people I went to school with. Obviously I prefer my friends to the fictional people; well, some of them, but it’s all very strange in here.

Starting to get what I said about feeling a little mad now?

Segue (very badly) into a different topic…

Recently I’d had some strange person on the internet wittering at me (no offense), telling me to write a long reply because they “love hearing [my] thoughts and views”. Wonder if this will suffice? Although looking through it, I’ve done a good job at raising (or at least posing) lots of questions, without actually giving many conclusions or answers. And revealed some deep psychological problems. How much does therapy cost nowadays anyway?

Just kidding, I don’t need therapy. Well, I might, but I don’t want it… It’s too interesting in my head to risk changing anything for the worse. I’ll take interesting and potentially unbalanced over “normal” any day. And yes, I know that’s not how therapy tends to work.

Well, my Xbox still isn’t connecting to the internet, actually that’s a lie. According to the network test, it’s connecting to the internet, but not to Xbox Live servers, which it says is my fault… Not sure how that’s meant to work…

But yes, can’t Netflix, and Jesus Christ Superstar just finished, so I need to find something else to watch… Got a handy list of the options right about here.

Huh, just discovered this put me on four hundred and one posts… another hundred, and it’s a Turisas song…

Anyway, I’ll post this while I ponder DVDs.

Thanks for reading, ta-ta.

Love Willski.



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